Ask Angus

Dear Angus,

I am in a pickle of trouble; I have an assignment that I have not done and is due super soon. This is super important to my grade, what can I do?

-Pew Hew


As with any situation there are a plethora of options for you, but I shall crystallize them down to only the gems. As best as I can tell, there are three main options for you.


Injure yourself. This is simple if you “accidentally” fall down a flight of stairs, or get hit by a car, no reasonable teacher will expect you to turn in your assignment. Now you just need to worry about the unreasonable ones.


Another option is to do a super slapdash job. It depends on what type of assignment it is because there are ways to do a “technically” correct job for each subject. Technically a paragraph can be three sentences, so five paragraph essays can be down in moments. If it’s an art project, either scribble on or break something and call it modern art. And so on, and so forth for each subject, your teachers will never know the difference.


Finally, and this is the least recommended option, talk to your teacher and explain your situation. Teachers are people like you and me and if you have a good reason for not having done your homework like: a sport/music event, dog died, etc, they will understand. Note: this does not work if your reason for not having your homework is “Yolo”

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Dear Angus,

Someone dissed me on a diss track, what can I do? I can’t rap and I am afraid of looking ridiculous. I think that if I made my own song it would suck but, I need to do something so I don’t look like a punk, help me, oh master.




Well, again, there are many options.


The first is to get ghost-writers or featured artists to help make your comeback song better than theirs. You can find guys to help you anywhere. You can start by seeing if your enemy has enemies. As they say the enemy of your enemy is your enima. If they have no enemies, then you can either ask your friends, or if they suck, you can pay people you know can rap to help you. They may ask for money and if it comes to that ask yourself this question: which is more important to you your money or your pride? You know what the right decision is.


Another option is to best your foes in other ways. Maybe instead of coming back at them through rap you can show them your sick tap dancing skills. They will have no idea what to do and they may just give up and apologize.


The final option is to grow up and stop caring about that elementary school nonsense. No one actually cares and if it really bothers you than perhaps you can deal with it by getting a life.